indigo girls @ meijer gardens - june 24, 2009

i just got notification from the indigo girls management that i was selected to be a part of the street team for the concert on june 24th at meijer gardens! i am so excited and cannot wait to be at this show. the venue is amazing and it will certainly be a show to remember...

i am so excited!

how we operate - part deux

well - not much interest in sharing your opinion of the lyrics...

i guess i'll just forge ahead and tell you what the lyrics have me thinking and why they've stuck with me so profoundly over the last several weeks.

to me, it's clear that this song is about a fight/disagreement/argument/squabble between lovers. he said something he shouldn't have, she fought back, it didn't end pretty. now, he's coming back to her and trying to find a way for the two of them to come back to one another.

he reassures her - you're true, you are. in other words, i'm sorry i questioned your trust/loyalty/love. i'd apologize but it won't go very far - at this point i've done things that i know even an apology won't really repair. isn't it true that sometimes we say and do things to those that we love the most that once they've come out, been said, been done, there really isn't an apology that covers the wound that you've inflicted? maybe you didn't mean to do it, to say it, to infer it, but regardless of your intentions, you did do that thing that got you here and instead of apologizing or making up some excuse for yourself, what you really must do is rely on the love that the other person has for you. they either know and trust your intentions, or they don't.

this happens to me all the time. i do things or say things that come across to the one i love totally not the way i intended. but it's not really me that matters in that moment, is it? if i truly love him, why don't i think more about him and his perspective than my own? and why do i insist on defending myself over and over instead of really listening and trying to see things his way?

that's why i love this line - turn a new page, tear the old one out and try to see things your way. see, it's not enough to just turn the page, you've got to rip it out of the book and stop referring back to it. it doesn't help. give it up. try to see things through the eyes of your lover. love him or her enough to give up your selfish ambitions and desire to protect and try to see things their way...

i also love this line: when we collide we'll see what gets left over. isn't this how we discover how much we really love one another? truth is, we're going to collide, but it's what gets left over that shows the truth of the love that you share with the other. sometimes you collide and what is left over is a pit so deep that it cannot be repaired and the relationship ends. but sometimes you collide and what gets left over is two people saying that they really love each other and that they know that it wasn't your intention to hurt them the way you did... but you did. but guess what, all these little deals go down with little consequences... in other words, these things are rarely as big as we make them out to be in the moment. tomorrow we'll wake up and remember the joy that this person brings to our life and we'll forgive, tear the old page out, and move on.

i'm gonna love you anyway.

to the one i love - thank you for always believing i'm better than the way i treat you.

remember this - a favorite quote of mine from a movie called "the last kiss:" what you feel only matters to you. it's what you do to the people you love. that's what matters. that's the only thing that counts.

how we operate

over the last few weeks i've been listening a lot to a mix i made for bo. (i thought i made it for him, but maybe in the end, i really made it for me...)

anyway, one of the songs that i put on the mix is a song called "how we operate" by a band named gomez. the opening of this song immediately draws you in and i must say that before i engaged in the lyrics, it would get stuck in my head from a purely musical standpoint.

but... like all good songs, there are many layers to it. there's how it sounds, but then there's what's being said. the more i listen the more i'm completely taken with the lyrics.

see how they strike you and share with me what you think. then, i'll share with you what i think in my next post. we love a cliffhanger!

calm down
and get straight
it's in our eyes
it's how we operate

you're true
you are
i'd apologize but it won't go very far

please come here
come right on over
and when we collide we'll see what gets left over

a little joy
a little sorrow
and a little pride so we won't have to borrow
wherever you lead, i'll follow

turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way

please come here
please come on over
there is no line that you can't step right over
without you well i'm left hollow
so can we decide to try a little joy tomorrow
'cos baby tonight i'll follow

turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way

the way that we've been speaking now
i swear that we'd be friends, i swear
'cos all these little deals go down with
little consequences, we share, we share

turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way

and i'm gonna love you anyway
try to see things your way
try to see things your way
try to see things your way

disappearing act

i haven't written in a really long time.

writing on this blog has been a lot of fun and i have enjoyed sharing my thoughts about life with all of you. over the last several weeks, so much has been going on in my day to day life that i haven't found the time to share any thoughts through my blog...

i'm wondering...

did you miss me? is this more for me than it is for you? did you stop by, notice i hadn't posted anything new, and move on? or, have you not been by at all?

i can tell that things in my life aren't gonna slow down for a while and i may not have the time to write but it's not because i don't want to. maybe i'll try to make time... maybe it depends on what you say... does it matter to you?

maybe it's not about that at all. maybe just as there are seasons for other things in life, maybe there are seasons for blogs and maybe i'm entering a dormant season...

i guess we'll see.

once

it was wednesday afternoon. my phone rang and it was bo. we had a normal chat and then he asked me if i'd like to go to a movie with him. i, of course, asked "which movie?" he responded, "it's a surprise." since i love surprises, i said yes and began to get excited. he told me that we could see it at 7:05 or 9:20 at the theater by the mall, but that if i peeked and tried to figure out what movie he was taking me to, he'd be mad. so, because i hate spoiling the surprise... i waited anxiously for 5:00 to come so i could get home and we could get on with our night!

we had dinner, went to the mall and did some shopping and then it was time. i wasn't allowed to be with him when he bought the tickets. i wasn't to look at the signage. i even kept my head buried in the popcorn bag as we entered theater #13. i sat down and had no idea what i was in for.

the previews came and went and then the story began to unfold. the movie was a delightful film called "once." "once" is a modern day musical set on the streets of dublin. featuring glen hansard from the irish band "the frames," the film tells the story of a street musician and a czech immigrant during an eventful week as they write, rehearse and record songs that reveal their unique love story.



i can't begin to describe the emotion that weighed on me as i watched this film unfold. throughout the film, you learn the story of the guy and the girl (who have no names in the film). the guy running from the pain of a love lost and the girl trying to make sense of her estranged marriage. both musicians, the guy shares his songs with the girl and they begin to write and perform together. the music that is born is nothing short of magical.

my heart leaped and sank, my eyes filled with tears, my feet tapped the seat in front of me, and my hand gripped bo's tightly as this beautiful story came to life in front of me.

go see this film. buy the soundtrack. let your heart swell with the beauty that these two musicians create as if effortless... it is, as i said before, nothing short of magical.

monday morning thoughts...

good morning friends.

it's monday, i haven't written in a while, and i figured it was time to share a little something with you. so, what to write about?

today i think i'll write about losing friends. it's something that has happened to all of us - like it or not - and something that few of us know how to handle.

why is it that along the path of life there are some that come and go, some that stay a long time, and yet still others that stay for the long haul? are we lying to one another when we say "i'll be your friend forever."? how about "i love you."? do i really love you if i only mean i love you right now, but in the future i won't?

what is it about some friendships that make them last and about others that make them short-lived? why is it that with some friends, you can go months without talking, and then pick up the conversation like you haven't missed a beat and with others, if a few months go by that signifies the proverbial end of the relationship? and what about those relationships that you're really ready to move on from, but that seem to linger... so many questions and so few answers.

most of you know me pretty well and know that there have been some people in my life that i have lost as friends and that loss constituted a very difficult time in my life and has left a wound that really doesn't go away. as more and more time goes by, i realize that a lot of what has factored in to the relationships that have lasted over those that have not is the level at which i've been willing to truly be me.

i don't know when or how or why i learned a pattern of morphing into whatever i needed to be to be accepted, but at some point in my life, i did. when i was growing up this didn't really factor in. i was overweight, i loved the new kids, i loved jesus, i was a math geek... none of that made me very popular, but i was okay with who i was and i had a lot of really great friends... some of whom i would still count as friends today.

when i went to college i was surrounded by close friends. again, some of whom i am still very close with and who are definitely in that "pick up like we never left off" category.

but then, after college, something happened. i suddenly didn't know where i fit. the "believers" that i knew were all part of a fellowship that they grew up in together and they didn't really make room for newcomers. my non-believer friends were pretty much comprised of gay men and although we really knew how to have fun together, there was a part of me that didn't really resonate with them. they knew i was a believer and they certainly respected my beliefs, but we couldn't really share much with one another on that level...

so, i guess it was at this point that i started believing that in order to fit in, to be accepted, to have a "home," i needed to be something other than just who i am.

to all those friends who met me during this time, i'm sorry for not just being me. you met, enjoyed, and even loved someone who was partly me, but also someone who was partly who you wanted me to be. i'm sorry for misleading you, for being less than who i am, and for not letting you truly in.

for the past two years i've been rediscovering who i really am. there are a few friends that have stayed close and who have journeyed with me. there has been one man who has repeatedly reminded me of my utmost beauty when i'm really me. and there has been a father who has forgiven me for being less than he made me to be when i wasn't sure how to love myself.

so, thank you to all of you who have come with me this far. i am better for having known you and i hope that when i say i love you, you know that i mean it.

what not to wear

i have decided to dedicate today's posts to one of my favorite television shows. tlc's "what not to wear" ranks near the top of the shows i love and here's why...

other shows have tried to capture our attention by completely making someone over. "extreme makeover" was one of the first and then there was "the swan." both of these shows take dramatic cases of people who feel that they are in desperate need of a serious makeover and transform them from the "ugly ducklings" they believe they are into "swans."

the reason i don't like these shows is because by the end of the transformation, you would never be able to recognize the person. they are completely different... lasik surgery, breast enhancements, dental reconstruction, facial reconstruction... you name it, they did it and the results were... well, dramatic. take a look for yourself:

now granted, at the end of these shows, when the makeover is complete it is wonderful to watch as someone who has always perceived themselves as "ugly" sees that they too, can be beautiful. the gasps and tears show that they have carried a lot of pain around for most of their lives and they now feel ready to take on the world in a way that they've never felt able to before. the only problem... they no longer look like themselves and they've left portions of themselves on the operating room floor or added parts that were never there to begin with... beautiful now? sure, but... something seems inherently wrong with what it took to get there...

what i love about "what not to wear" is that one of their mantras is "dress your body the way it is now." sure, you may want to lose 50 pounds or tone up that tummy a bit, but guess what? you don't have that body now, and you don't have to wait to be "beautiful" until you reach those goals. you have what it takes right now... you just have to learn how to believe it!

the results are almost always still quite a bit dramatic. the people who are chosen for this show are usually equally as certain of their lack of beauty and are ALWAYS amazed at how much knowing what clothes to buy, how to style their hair, and how to wear makeup can really make a difference. to borrow a favorite phrase... "a little bit, goes a long way!"


so, here's to stacy, clinton, nick and carmendie... thanks for showing us that we are all beautiful and that it only takes a little self-confidence, belief, the right clothes, and some makeup to prove it!